Bill Simmons (b. 1969) is a columnist for Page2 on ESPN.com and ESPN The Magazine. Page 2 is a feature section of ESPNcom. The section contains humorous opinionated articles on American sport and regular contributors including "The Sports Guy" ESPNcom is the official website of ESPN and a division of ESPN Inc ESPN The Magazine is a bi-weekly sports Magazine published by the ESPN sports network in Bristol CT in the United States. He is also known by the nicknames of "The Boston Sports Guy" or the "Sports Guy". His ESPN. com column is written from the viewpoint of a passionate Boston fan, and often uses extended analogies and references to pop culture in his columns. Popular culture (or pop culture) is the Culture — patterns of human activity and the symbolic structures that give such activities significance and importance —

He moved to Los Angeles at the end of 2002 to work as a writer for the Jimmy Kimmel Show. Los Angeles (lɑˈsændʒələs los ˈaŋxeles in Spanish) is the largest City in the state of California and the American West Jimmy Kimmel Live! is an American late-night Talk show, created and hosted by Jimmy Kimmel and broadcast on ABC. He has since left the show to work full-time for ESPN. He has signed a contract to remain with ESPN until 2010.

Simmons currently hosts his own podcast on ESPN. A podcast is a series of audio or Video digital-media files which is distributed over the Internet by syndicated Download com and iTunes titled "The B. S. Report". When he began his podcast on May 8, 2007, until June 14, it was called "Eye of the Sports Guy". Events 589 - Reccared summons the Third Council of Toledo 1450 - Jack Cade's Rebellion: Kentishmen Year 2007 ( MMVII) was a Common year starting on Monday of the Gregorian calendar in the 21st century. He has also filmed segments for the television series E:60. E60 is a weekly Investigative journalism Newsmagazine show It premiered on ESPN on October 16, 2007 at 700 p

He set the record for the longest chat on ESPN's Sportsnation on November 28, 2007, breaking Rob Neyer's previous record. Rob Neyer (born 1966 is a Baseball author and since 1996 a columnist for ESPN He did the chat to support ESPN's fund raising efforts for the Jimmy V Foundation for cancer. Neyer has since re-broken the record on March 31, 2008 on the opening day of the baseball season. The record now stands at 10 hours and 56 minutes.

He also "officially" announced his candidacy for the position of Milwaukee Bucks general manager. The Milwaukee Bucks are a professional Basketball team based in Milwaukee Wisconsin. General Manager or GM for short is a descriptive term for certain executives in a Business operation

Contents 1 Personal life 2 Rooting interests 3 Style 4 Controversy 5 Memes 5.1 Ewing Theory 5.2 Levels of Losing 5.3 Common Sayings 5.4 VP of Common Sense 5.5 Reggie Cleveland All-Stars 5.6 The Tyson Zone 5.7 Diane Lane All-Stars 5.8 Sneaky Hot Hall of Fame 5.9 The Lindsey Hunter All Stars 5.10 Gambling 5.11 Manning Face 5.12 I'm Keith Hernandez 6 References 7 External links

Personal life

Simmons grew up in Massachusetts and Connecticut. He attended The Greenwich Country Day School for the eighth and ninth grades. He attended Brunswick School in Greenwich, Connecticut and, in 1988, completed a postgraduate year at Choate Rosemary Hall, a prep school located in Wallingford, Connecticut. Greenwich is a town in Fairfield County, Connecticut, United States. A university-preparatory school or college-preparatory school (usually abbreviated to preparatory school, college prep school, or prep school Wallingford is a town in New Haven County, Connecticut, United States. Simmons attended the College of the Holy Cross, graduating in 1992 with a degree in Political Science. The College of the Holy Cross is a prestigious exclusively undergraduate Roman Catholic liberal arts college located in Worcester Massachusetts, Subsequently, he studied print journalism at Boston University, where he received his master's degree. For similarly-named academic institutions see Education in Boston MA. ^[1] Before his affiliation with ESPN, he was known as the "Boston Sports Guy" on the web site Digital City Boston. Simmons also worked for the Boston Herald briefly in the 1990s, and he was a bartender for a short time while he established himself on the web. The Boston Herald is a Tabloid -format Daily newspaper, the smaller of the two big dailies in Boston Massachusetts, United States He was originally referred to as "The Sports Guy" by childhood friend Steve Jung.

In the fall of 2002, he moved to California to work as a comedy writer for Jimmy Kimmel's show, Jimmy Kimmel Live. California ( is a US state on the West Coast of the United States, along the Pacific Ocean. Jimmy Kimmel Live! is an American late-night Talk show, created and hosted by Jimmy Kimmel and broadcast on ABC. Although he left the show in 2004, he remained in California. Simmons also frequently writes about his non-sports-related personal life in his columns. He often mentions his wife, Kari, but only as "The Sports Gal", and his baby daughter Zoe, born in the spring of 2005. On November 2, 2007, Bill reported on his website that his second child "Manny Beckett Brady Pierce Garnett Ellsbury Simmons" was born this week and is "healthy and happy", and a week later, on November 9, 2007, Bill says in his Week 10 Picks that his new child was born 21 inches long.

Simmons has his own section of ESPN.com's Page 2, titled "Sports Guy's World", and in late 2004 ESPN launched an online cartoon based on his columns (the cartoon has since been discontinued). ESPNcom is the official website of ESPN and a division of ESPN Inc His wife, Kari, occasionally writes mini-articles within Simmons' own Page 2 articles. He has appeared on I Love the 90s: Part Deux, Colbert Report and Jim Rome Is Burning, and is an occasional guest on several sports talk radio shows. I Love the '90s Part Deux is a miniseries on VH1 in which various Music and TV personalities reminisce about 1990s culture The Colbert Report (/kolˈbɛr rəˈpɔr/&mdashthe t is silent in "Colbert" is a Peabody Award and Emmy Award winning American Jim Rome Is Burning (originally titled Rome Is Burning and often abbreviated as JRIB) is a sports conversation and opinion show hosted by

On October 1, 2005, Simmons released his first book, Now I Can Die In Peace. Events 331 BC - Alexander the Great defeats Darius III of Persia in the Battle of Gaugamela. Now I Can Die in Peace How ESPN's Sports Guy Found Salvation With a Little Help From Nomar Pedro Shawshank and the 2004 Red Sox is a 2006 Sports The book is a collection of his columns, with minor changes and lengthy footnotes, leading up to the 2004 World Series victory by the Boston Red Sox. The 2004 World Series was the championship series of the 2004 Major League Baseball (MLB season

In the March 13, 2006, edition of ESPN The Magazine, Simmons revealed that he would be competing in the 2006 World Series of Poker Main Event. Events 1138 - Cardinal Gregorio Conti is elected Antipope as Victor IV, succeeding Anacletus II. Year 2006 ( MMVI) was a Common year starting on Sunday of the Gregorian calendar. The 2006 World Series of Poker (WSOP began on June 25, 2006 with "satellite" events with regular play commencing on June 26 with Simmons busted out of the tournament during his first day of play.

On April 19, 2006, Simmons won the NBA Cares Celebrity Fantasy League beating out Bernie Mac in the final by a score of 1028-852. Events 1012 - Martyrdom of Alphege in Greenwich London. 1529 - At the Second Diet of Speyer Year 2006 ( MMVI) was a Common year starting on Sunday of the Gregorian calendar. Bernard Jeffrey McCullough (October 5 1957 &ndash August 9 2008 better known by the stage name Bernie Mac, was an American Actor and Comedian Other celebrities that participated were Pamela Anderson, Cedric the Entertainer, Samuel L. Jackson, Matthew Modine, Michael Rapaport, Star Jones Reynolds, Kenny Smith and Diana Taurasi. Pamela Denise Anderson (born July 1 1967 is a Canadian -born actress, Sex symbol, glamour model, producer, Author, and Cedric Antonio Kyles (born April 24, 1964) best known by his stage name Cedric the Entertainer, is an American Actor and Samuel Leroy Jackson (born December 21 1948 is an American Academy Award -nominated and BAFTA -winning actor Matthew Avery Modine (born March 22, 1959) is an American Actor, perhaps most famous for playing Private Joker in Stanley Kubrick's Michael David Rapaport (born March 20 1970) is an American Actor and a Comedian. Star Jones (born March 24, 1962) is an American Lawyer and television personality, best known for her role as a co-host of the For the American football player see Kenny Smith (American football. Diana Lurena Taurasi (born June 11, 1982 in Chino California) is a professional Basketball player who plays for the Phoenix Mercury Simmons attributed his success to his extensive knowledge of the NBA and to star player Kobe Bryant, as well as the Isiah-esque ineptitude of TNT analyst Kenny Smith. Kobe Bean Bryant (born) is an American All-Star Shooting guard The NBA on TNT, known since October 2002 as TNT NBA Thursday, is a weekly broadcast of National Basketball Association For the American football player see Kenny Smith (American football.

On July 16, 2007, during the NESN broadcast of the Red Sox/Kansas City Royals game, Jerry Remy read off a letter as to why Bill Simmons should become the president of Red Sox Nation. Events 622 - The beginning of the Islamic calendar. 1054 - Three Roman legates fractured relations between the Western and Year 2007 ( MMVII) was a Common year starting on Monday of the Gregorian calendar in the 21st century. The New England Sports Network, or NESN, is a regional Cable television network that covers the six New England states except Fairfield County Connecticut The Kansas City Royals are a Major League Baseball team based in Kansas City, Missouri. Red Sox Nation refers to the fans of the Boston Red Sox. The phrase "Red Sox Nation" was first coined by Boston Globe Remy then went on to reject Simmons's request to become president on account of a remark making light of Remy's alleged chain smoking habit (although Remy only claimed the letter attacked his "health" on the air) and tore up his letter.

Rooting interests

A native New Englander, Simmons is a passionate fan of the Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, Holy Cross Crusaders (his alma mater), and Boston Celtics. History See also History of New England New England's earliest inhabitants were Algonquian -speaking Native Americans including the The Boston Red Sox are a Professional baseball team based in Boston Massachusetts, and are the reigning (2007 World Series Champions. The New England Patriots, commonly called the " Pats " by sports writers and fans are a professional American football team based in the Greater Boston The College of the Holy Cross is a prestigious exclusively undergraduate Roman Catholic liberal arts college located in Worcester Massachusetts, The Boston Celtics are an American professional Basketball team based in Boston, Massachusetts, playing in the Atlantic Division of the He was a longtime fan of the Boston Bruins and the NHL, but claims that their poor management led to his completely losing interest in them---until the 2008 playoffs. The Boston Bruins are a professional Ice hockey team based in Boston Massachusetts. The National Hockey League ( NHL) is a professional Ice hockey league composed of 30 teams in North America ^[2] Simmons's interest in soccer was piqued by the 2006 FIFA World Cup. The FIFA World Cup, occasionally called the Football World Cup, but usually referred to simply as the World Cup, is an international Association football He subsequently wrote a column detailing his efforts to choose an English Premier League team to follow, eventually selecting Tottenham Hotspur. The Premier League, colloquially referred to as the Premiership, is an English professional league for football clubs Tottenham Hotspur, ˈtɒʔnəm is an English professional football club which currently plays in the Premier League. ^[3] Since his column discussing the selection process, he hasn't written any stories on the team or the EPL season. He also passionately roots against certain teams, specifically the New York Yankees, New York Knicks, New York Jets, Boston College Eagles, Indianapolis Colts, Montreal Canadiens, and Los Angeles Lakers. The New York Yankees are a professional baseball team based in the borough of The Bronx, in New York City, New York. The New York Jets are a professional American football team based in the New York metropolitan area. The Boston College Eagles are the athletic teams representing Boston College. The Indianapolis Colts are a professional American football team based in Indianapolis Indiana. The Montreal Canadiens (Les Canadiens de Montréal are a professional Ice hockey team based in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. The Los Angeles Lakers are a National Basketball Association (NBA team based in Los Angeles, California.

Style

Simmons's writing is characterized by references to movies, television shows such as The Wire, The Sopranos, Beverly Hills 90210, The O.C. and Entourage, bias towards Boston-area sports teams, his disdain for the WNBA, male insecurities, and anxiety about the emasculating effects of wives and girlfriends. A television program (US television programme (UK or television show (U The Sopranos is an American Television drama series created by David Chase. Beverly Hills 90210 was a Prime time television drama series that aired from October 4, 1990 to May 17, 2000 on This article is about the FOX television series For the location from which the series derives its name see Orange County California. Entourage is an Emmy Award -winning HBO original series created by Doug Ellin that chronicles the rise of Vincent Chase — a His writing frequency has gone from a consistent three columns per week to a sporadic posting of columns, sometimes substituting his ESPN the magazine column, which is shorter. He will also substitute an audio podcast in place of a column.

Simmons frequently mentions friends and family in his column, and trips to Las Vegas or other gambling venues with his friends. He frequently writes about his gambling, whether it's at the blackjack table or his many parlays during football season. On Fridays during the NFL season, he makes picks for every game. The National Football League ( NFL) is the largest professional American football league.

Simmons will also discuss movies (most notably, Hoosiers, The Godfather, Teen Wolf, The Shawshank Redemption, Boogie Nights, the Rocky series, and The Karate Kid), favorite TV shows of the past and present (for example, Friday Night Lights), his many fantasy sports teams, memories regarding professional wrestling, especially Roddy Piper (mainly with the WWF/E), video games and even throwing in a few references to adult video. This page is about the movie "Hoosiers" Hoosiers is also the nickname of Indiana University athletic teams see Indiana Hoosiers. The Godfather is a 1972 Crime drama film based on the 1969 novel of the same name by Mario Puzo and directed Teen Wolf (first released on August 23, 1985, by Atlantic Releasing Corporation) is an American Film starring Michael The Shawshank Redemption is a 1994 American Drama film, written and directed by Frank Darabont, based on the Stephen King This article is about the 1997 film For the Heatwave song see Boogie Nights. Rocky is a 1976 Film written by and starring Sylvester Stallone and directed by John G The Karate Kid is a 1984 Film directed by Phillip Ali, and starring Ralph Macchio, Pat Morita and Elisabeth Shue Friday Night Lights is an Award-winning American serial Drama television series adapted by Peter Berg, Brian Grazer and Professional wrestling, or pro wrestling, is a non-competitive professional Sport, where all matches are scripted by the promotion's booking staff World Wrestling Entertainment Inc ( WWE) is a publicly traded privately controlled integrated media (focusing in Television, Internet, One of his ongoing projects is "The Best 72 Sports Movies of the last 33 Years", which he updates in no particular order. He has named eight of 72 movies and has not written a column for this project since November 27, 2005. ^[4]

He also occasionally writes columns answering readers' e-mails. He almost always ends these columns with a strange email, followed by the statement "Yup, these are my readers. " He also engages in lengthy chat sessions with readers on ESPN. com, and once was the reigning record-holder for the longest one-man chat session in ESPN history clocking in at 7 hours and 4 minutes. Rob Neyer has since reclaimed the record.

One of his recurring columns is his annual Draft Diary, where he discusses watching the NBA Draft, usually with his father, and mocks various aspects of it. The NBA Draft is an annual North American event in which the National Basketball Association 's (NBA thirty teams (29 in the United States and one in He has admitted that the 2007 Draft Diary was his worst and would like a mulligan. A mulligan, in a game happens when a player gets a second chance to perform a certain move or action

Simmons has attended several Super Bowls since being hired by ESPN and has admitted to disliking Jacksonville and Houston, citing them as inadequate locales for the event. professional American football, the Super Bowl is the Championship game of the National Football League (NFL

Controversy

Simmons is an avid NBA fan and is quick to express his opinions over who's doing a good job and who's not. He has heavily criticized Celtics General Manager Danny Ainge and head coach Doc Rivers, Los Angeles Clippers general manager Elgin Baylor (who once called Simmons an "asshole"), and especially former New York Knicks coach and general manager Isiah Thomas. Daniel (Danny Ray Ainge (born March 17, 1959 in Eugene Oregon, U Glenn Anton Rivers (born October 13 1961 in Chicago, Illinois) commonly referred to as Doc Rivers, is a retired American Elgin Gay Baylor (born September 16 1934 in Washington DC) is a retired American basketball player who played Isiah Lord Thomas III (nicknamed "Zeke" (/aɪˈzeɪə/ born April 30 1961 is an American retired professional Basketball player most renowned as the This led to Thomas threatening Simmons on Stephen A. Smith's radio show in early 2006, saying, "If I see this guy Bill Simmons, oh, it's gonna be a problem with me and him. Stephen Anthony Smith (born October 14 1967) sometimes referred to as Stephen A " In a column posted on ESPN. com on July 19, 2007 Simmons stated that he and Thomas had a half-hour long chat, facilitated by sports announcer Gus Johnson, about Simmons' criticisms of Thomas, and that Thomas remained civil and cordial throughout. Events 711 - Muslim forces under Tariq ibn Ziyad defeat the Visigoths led by their king Roderic. Year 2007 ( MMVII) was a Common year starting on Monday of the Gregorian calendar in the 21st century. Gus Johnson (born August 10, 1967) is an American sports announcer. ^[5]. With regard to Rivers, Simmons wrote an article poking fun at the coach's use of the ubuntu concept in his locker room. Ubuntu, ùbúntú is an Ethic or humanist Philosophy focusing on people's allegiances and relations with each other [2] Ubuntu is an African tradition which emphasizes unity and togetherness. Simmons continued to criticize Rivers even though the coach led the Celtics to the NBA Finals for the first time in 21 years [3]. The NBA Finals is the championship series of the National Basketball Association and the conclusion of the sport's postseason each June

Simmons and Red Sox announcer Jerry Remy feuded over the presidency of Red Sox Nation. The Red Sox asked Simmons to run for the ceremonial position and he accepted. In a candidate's memo, Simmons remarked that he was a better choice than Remy because he is not a smoker. Remy criticized Simmons for about five minutes during the July 16, 2007 broadcast of the Red Sox - Royals game. Events 622 - The beginning of the Islamic calendar. 1054 - Three Roman legates fractured relations between the Western and Year 2007 ( MMVII) was a Common year starting on Monday of the Gregorian calendar in the 21st century.

Currently, Bill Simmons appears to be embroiled in a feud with management at ESPN. com. When asked by the editors of Deadspin. com why he had not written a new column in over 2 weeks, he replied "I still love writing my column and only re-signed last year because I really did believe that we had hashed out all the behind the scenes bullshit and come to some sort of agreement on creative lines, media criticism rules, the promotion of the column and everything else on ESPN. com. Within a few months, all of those things changed and certain promises were not kept. It's as simple as that. " ^{[6] [7]}.

Memes

Simmons responds to issues in the sports world in a unique way, usually putting a different spin on events, ideas, and theories. He uses such terms so frequently that ESPN. com has a glossary of Simmons conventions, with links to articles in which they were used. ^[8]

Ewing Theory

One of Simmons's most used Internet memes has been the Ewing Theory,^[9] the brainchild of reader Dave Cirilli and named after Patrick Ewing of the New York Knicks. Patrick Aloysius Ewing (born August 5 1962 is an American retired Hall of Fame Basketball player and current assistant coach for the National Basketball Ewing's Knicks seemed to play better when he was hurt or in foul trouble. In 1998-99, the Knicks made the NBA Finals after Ewing sustained an Achilles' tendon injury. The NBA Finals is the championship series of the National Basketball Association and the conclusion of the sport's postseason each June The Achilles tendon (or occasionally Achilles’ tendon) also known as the calcaneal tendon or the tendocalcaneous, is a Tendon of the posterior The Ewing Theory claims that when a longtime superstar who has never won a championship leaves the team via injury, trade or free agency, and the media writes the team off, the team will play better. It should be noted that Ewing's Georgetown Hoyas won an NCAA Championship in 1984, largely due to Ewing's contributions. Other examples noted by Simmons include:

• The 1994-95 UConn Huskies men's basketball team, who at one point were ranked No. The Connecticut Huskies, also known as the UConn Huskies, are the athletic teams of the University of Connecticut. 1 in the country a year after Donyell Marshall left for the NBA. Donyell Lamar Marshall (born May 18 1973, in Reading Pennsylvania, U
• The 2004 Boston Red Sox, who traded Nomar Garciaparra mid-season and went on to win their first World Series in 86 years. The Boston Red Sox are a Professional baseball team based in Boston Massachusetts, and are the reigning (2007 World Series Champions. Anthony Nomar Garciaparra (ˈnoʊ̪mɑɹ ɡɑɹˈsiəˌpɑɹə born July 23 1973 in) is an American Baseball player who currently plays shortstop for the Los Angeles For other events named "World Series" see World Series (disambiguation.
• The 1972 Los Angeles Lakers, who won a championship the year Elgin Baylor, who was 0-for-8 in the Finals, retired after nine games (they also won a record 33 consecutive games starting the day after his retirement). The Los Angeles Lakers are a National Basketball Association (NBA team based in Los Angeles, California. Elgin Gay Baylor (born September 16 1934 in Washington DC) is a retired American basketball player who played
• The 1998 University of Tennessee football team, which won the national championship the year after Peyton Manning left for the NFL. The University of Tennessee (also known as UT) sometimes called the University of Tennessee Knoxville ( UT Knoxville, or UTK) is the flagship
• The 2001 New England Patriots, who won Super Bowl XXXVI after an injury to Drew Bledsoe forced Tom Brady into the starting quarterback's role. The New England Patriots, commonly called the " Pats " by sports writers and fans are a professional American football team based in the Greater Boston Super Bowl XXXVI was an American football game played on February 3, 2002 at the Louisiana Superdome in New Orleans Louisiana Drew McQueen Bledsoe (born February 14, 1972) is a former American football Quarterback in the NFL, best known as the starting quarterback Thomas Edward Brady Jr (born August 3 1977 is an American football Quarterback for the New England Patriots of the National Football League
• In professional wrestling, when Bret Hart left the then-WWF after the Montreal Screwjob in 1997, the WWF went on to have record-setting success. Bret Sergeant Hart (born July 2 1957 is a retired Canadian professional wrestler and Actor. World Wrestling Entertainment Inc ( WWE) is a publicly traded privately controlled integrated media (focusing in Television, Internet, The Montreal Screwjob was the real life double-crossing of defending WWF Champion Bret Hart by Vince McMahon, the owner of the
• In Beverly Hills 90210, when Shannen Doherty was replaced by Tiffani-Amber Thiessen, whose character in the series was perceived as much stronger than Doherty's. Beverly Hills 90210 was a Prime time television drama series that aired from October 4, 1990 to May 17, 2000 on Shannen Maria Doherty (born April 12, 1971) is an American Actress and Television director, perhaps best known for her work as Heather Tiffani Thiessen (born Tiffani Amber Thiessen on January 23, 1974 in Long Beach California) is an American actress known
• The 2007 New York Giants, who lost star running back Tiki Barber to retirement before the season, defied all predictions and won the Super Bowl in 2008, defeating the New England Patriots 17–14. The New York Giants are a professional American football team based in the New York City suburb of East Rutherford New Jersey. For the Field hockey player see Kate Barber Atiim Kiambu Hakeem-ah "Tiki" Barber (TEE-kee (born April 7, 1975 The Giants also lost star tight end Jeremy Shockey to injury towards the end of the season. Jeremy Charles Shockey (ʃɔːki (born August 18, 1980 in Ada Oklahoma) is an American football Tight end for the New Orleans Barber had also voiced his disdain of the Giants and head coach Tom Coughlin at various points during the season. Thomas Richard Coughlin (born August 31, 1946 in Waterloo, New York) is the head coach for the New York Giants, the 2007 National

Given the time since the name Ewing Theory was coined and the Giants Super Bowl XLII victory, a number of readers have suggested the name be updated to the Tiki Theory. Super Bowl XLII featured the National Football Conference (NFC champion New York Giants and the American Football Conference (AFC champion New England

He claims that a recently made Tee Martin Principle is the Ewing Theory, saying that "they're the exact same thing!"^[10]

Levels of Losing

Another recurring Simmons topic is the 13 Levels of Losing, where he defines, describes and ranks the most painful ways for a sports team to lose, such as the "Stomach Punch" (a game that ends with an opponent making an improbable and game-winning play; the Music City Miracle being a good example), or the "Guillotine" (when your team is hanging tough, but somehow you just know they will fail in the clutch). The Music City Miracle is one of the most famous and exciting plays in the history of the NFL. In US- Sports terminology " clutch " means performing well under extreme pressure ^[11] Not surprisingly, given Simmons' background, he ranks Game 6 of the 1986 World Series as the most painful defeat in sports history. The 1986 World Series pitted the New York Mets against the Boston Red Sox.

Simmons revised and updated the list to have 16 levels because of the New York Mets collapse during the 2007 season and Michigan football's loss to Division I-AA Appalachian State. The University of Michigan Ann Arbor ( U of M, U-M, UM or simply Michigan) is a top-ranked Coeducational public research

Common Sayings

Additional Simmons running conventions include referring to players who are no longer effective as having "a giant salad fork sticking out of their back", the Vengeance Scale, the "Juvenation Machine" (used to describe an athlete or team having a strong comeback year), "Theo Ratliff's Expiring Contract" (indicating that player's value as a means of creating salary cap space rather than as an on-court contributor), a cocaine heartbeat (usually referring to trades that should be immediately made) or "I will now light myself on fire" (catchphrase he uses whenever forced to admit an unpleasant truth, such as his 2006 acknowledgment of Kobe Bryant as the player most deserving of the 2006 NBA MVP award). Kobe Bean Bryant (born) is an American All-Star Shooting guard The 2005–06 NBA season was the 60th season of the National Basketball Association.

VP of Common Sense

Simmons recently made the semi-serious suggestion that sports teams should hire a Vice President of Common Sense who would be an average fan essentially taken off the street and given no behind-the-scenes knowledge. This official would be called in to assess important transactions; his reaction would be a gauge to help the team notice obviously poor decisions arising from such problems as bureaucracy, groupthink and hype. Groupthink is a type of thought exhibited by group members who try to minimize conflict and reach consensus without critically testing analyzing and evaluating ideas By way of introduction to the concept, Simmons said that the VP of Common Sense would have selected Reggie Bush over Mario Williams in the 2006 NFL Draft. Reginald Alfred Bush II (born March 2 1985 in San Diego Ca) is an American football player who plays for the New Orleans Saints of the NFL. Mario Jerrel Williams (born January 31 1985 in Richlands North Carolina) is a Defensive end for the Houston Texans in the National Football The 2006 National Football League Draft, the 71st in league history took place in New York City at Radio City Music Hall on April

Reggie Cleveland All-Stars

Simmons also created the "Reggie Cleveland All-Stars", a list of sports figures whose names would seem to indicate that they are of a different race or ethnicity than they actually are. (The namesake is Reggie Cleveland, a white former pitcher with a "black-sounding" name. Reginald Leslie Cleveland (born on May 23, 1948 in Swift Current Saskatchewan) is a former Major League Baseball Pitcher. )

Simmons officially designated the following players as All-Stars:

Mack Brown Reggie Cleveland Howie Kendrick Lew Ford Marcus Giles Moonlight Graham (old-timers' edition) Khalil Greene Jackie Earle Haley Nate Funk Micah Owings

Willy Korn Daryl Morey Todd Read Enos Slaughter (old-timers' edition) Darius Songaila Jarrod Washburn Ty Wigginton Reggie Willits Clete Thomas Clancy Pendergast Darrell Rasner incorrectly listed: Grady Sizemore, mixed race

It is not clear whether Simmons realizes Grady Sizemore is of mixed race. William Mack Brown (born August 27, 1951) is head coach of the University of Texas Longhorn football team Reginald Leslie Cleveland (born on May 23, 1948 in Swift Current Saskatchewan) is a former Major League Baseball Pitcher. Howard Joseph Kendrick III (born July 12, 1983 in Jacksonville Florida) is a Major League Baseball Second baseman for the Jon Lewis Ford (born August 12, 1976 in Beaumont Texas) is a professional Outfielder for the Hanshin Tigers of the Nippon Marcus William Giles (born May 18, 1978 in San Diego, California) is a Major League Baseball player who is currently a Free agent Archibald Wright "Moonlight" Graham ( November 12 1877 &ndash August 25 1965) was an American professional Baseball Khalil Thabit Greene (born October 21, 1979 in Butler Pennsylvania) is a Major League Baseball Shortstop who plays for the Jackie Earle Haley (born July 14, 1961) is an Academy Award -nominated American Actor. Nathan Funk (born November 7, 1983 in Sioux City Iowa) is a 6'3" (192 cm American basketball player who recently finished his Micah Burton Owings (born September 28, 1982 in Gainesville, Georgia) is a Major League Baseball Right-handed Daryl Morey (born 1972 is the General Manager of the Houston Rockets. Enos Bradsher Slaughter ( April 27 1916 - August 12 2002) was an American Right fielder in Major League Baseball Darius Songaila (pronounced Son-Guy-La (born on February 14, 1978, in Kapsukas, Lithuanian SSR, Soviet Union, now known as Marijampolė Jarrod Michael Washburn (born August 13 1974 in La Crosse, Wisconsin) is a Major League Baseball Starting pitcher for the Seattle Mariners Ty Allen Wigginton (born October 11, 1977 in San Diego California) is a Third baseman in Major League Baseball for the Houston Reggie Gene Willits (born May 30 1981 in Chickasha Oklahoma) is a Major League Baseball outfielder with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Michael Clete Thomas (born November 14, 1983 in) is a Baseball Outfielder in the Detroit Tigers organization Clancy Pendergast (born November 29, 1967 in Phoenix Arizona) is the current Defensive coordinator for the NFL 's Arizona Darrell Wayne Rasner (born January 13, 1981 in Carson City, Nevada) is a Starting pitcher for the New York Yankees Grady Sizemore III (born August 2, 1982 in Seattle, Washington) On June 27, 2002, Sizemore was part of a six-player Many others have been nominated on various websites. He also noted in his 2006 NBA Draft diary that Patrick O'Bryant, a first round pick of the Golden State Warriors, was a "mortal lock" to be named to the All-Star team. Patrick Fitzgerald O'Bryant (born June 20 1986 in Oskaloosa, Iowa) is an American professional Basketball player for In a 2007 column, Simmons named former Denver Broncos linebacker Rulon Jones as a "first-ballot Reggie Cleveland All-Stars Hall of Famer. The Denver Broncos are a professional American football team based in Denver, Colorado. Rulon Jones (born March 25, 1958 in Salt Lake City Utah) is a retired American football defensive lineman "

In a recent column Bill mentioned that he wanted to name his second child "Nate" so he could create his own Reggie Cleveland All-Star from scratch named Nate Simmons. He said he sounds like a wide receiver/kick returner on the Arizona Cardinals but unfortunately, his wife shot the idea down, briskly. A wide receiver is an offensive position in American and Canadian football In American and Canadian football, a kick returner ( KR) is the player on Special teams who is primarily responsible to catch Kickoffs The Arizona Cardinals are a professional American football team based in Glendale Arizona, just outside of Phoenix.

The Tyson Zone

A more recent Simmons meme is the so-called "Tyson Zone," named in honor of boxer Mike Tyson. Boxing (sometimes also known as English boxing or pugilism) is a Combat sport in which two participants generally of similar weight, The Tyson Zone is the status an athlete or celebrity reaches when his or her behavior becomes so outrageous that one would believe any story or anecdote about the person, no matter how shocking or bizarre. ^[12] For instance, if one would not be surprised to hear reports that a particular athlete agreed to fight a caged lion for a sum of money or started a career of breeding unicorns, that athlete has entered The Tyson Zone. A unicorn (from Latin unus 'one' and cornu 'horn' is a Mythological creature.

People who Simmons has officially listed as Tyson Zone members include:

Kareem Abdul Jabbar Ron Artest Gary Busey Roger Clemens Najeh Davenport Bison Dele Flavor Flav G-Unit Paris Hilton Michael Jackson Stephen Jackson Pacman Jones R. Kelly Margot Kidder Suge Knight Lindsay Lohan Michael Lohan Courtney Love

Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth Heather Mills Liza Minnelli Brigette Nielsen Ol' Dirty Bastard Terrell Owens Tara Reid John Rocker Dennis Rodman Ben Roethlisberger Bill Romanowski O.J. Simpson (Simmons at one point even jokingly renamed it "The O. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (born Ferdinand Lewis Alcindor Jr; April 16 1947 is an American athlete and retired professional Basketball player widely considered Ronald William Artest Jr (born November 13 1979) is an American professional Basketball player who currently plays with the Houston William Gareth Jacob "Gary" Busey (born June 29, 1944) is an Academy Award - and Golden Globe Award -nominated American William Roger Clemens (born August 4, 1962 in Dayton, Ohio) is an American Right-handed Pitcher in Major Najeh Trenadious Monté Davenport (born February 8, 1979 in) is an American football Running back for the Pittsburgh Steelers of Bison Dele ( April 6, 1969 &ndash presumed dead July 7, 2002) Disappearance in the South Pacific In July 2002 William Jonathan Drayton Jr (born March 16, 1959) better known by his stage name Flavor Flav, is an American rapper television star G-Unit is an American hip hop group originating from New York City. Michael Joseph Jackson (born August 29 1958 is an American musician entertainer and businessman Stephen Jesse Jackson (born April 5 1978 in Port Arthur, Texas) is an American professional Basketball player and a co-captain Robert Sylvester Kelly (born January 8, 1967) better known by his Stage name R Margot Kidder (born October 17, 1948) is a Canadian-American Film and Television actress best known for playing Lois Marion Hugh Knight Jr, better known as Suge Knight, is an Entrepreneur in the Hip hop music industry and co-founder and CEO of Death Lindsay Dee Lohan (born July 2 1986 is an American Actress, model and Pop music Singer. Michael Douglas Lohan Sr (born April 25 1960 is best known as the father of Actress Lindsay Lohan. Courtney Michelle Love (born Courtney Michelle Harrison on July 9 1964 is an American Rock musician and Golden Globe-nominated actress Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth (born Omaroseonee O Manigault February 5, 1974) is a two-time participant on Donald Trump 's television reality Heather Anne Mills (born 12 January 1968 is an English charity campaigner and former model, and the ex-wife of musician Paul McCartney. Liza May Minnelli (born March 12, 1946) is a legendary American actress and singer Brigitte Nielsen (born 15 July 1963 is a Danish actress who became known for appearing in the 1985 films Red Sonja and Rocky IV Russell Tyrone Jones ( November 15 1968 – November 13 2004) was an American Rapper who went by the Stage name Terrell Eldorado Owens (ˈtɛɹl̩ (born December 7, 1973) is an American football Wide receiver for the Dallas Cowboys of the Tara Reid (born November 8 1975 is an US Actress. She is known for her roles in the films The Big Lebowski (1998 American Pie John Loy Rocker (born October 17, 1974) is a former Major League Baseball relief pitcher who played three and a half seasons with the Atlanta Braves Dennis Keith Rodman (born May 13 1961 is a retired American professional Basketball National Basketball Association (NBA player of the Detroit Pistons Benjamin Todd Roethlisberger (born March 2, 1982, in Lima Ohio) nicknamed Big Ben, is an American football Quarterback William Thomas Romanowski (born April 2, 1966) is an American former football player Orenthal James "O J" Simpson (born July 9 1947 who has also been called The Juice, is a retired American football player, J. Zone" in light of Simpson's recent legal troubles) Anna Nicole Smith Britney Spears Mike Tyson (Inspiration) Michael Vick Ricky Williams

Simmons has stated that Ben Roethlisberger secretly entered the Tyson Zone during the summer of 2006 after news of his motorcycle accident and a later incident involving a burst appendix, for which he was rushed to the hospital. Vickie Lynn Marshall (November 28 1967 &ndash February 8 2007 better known under the Stage name of Anna Nicole Smith, was an American model Britney Jean Spears (born December 2 1981 is an American recording artist and entertainer Michael Dwayne Vick (born June 26 1980 in Newport News Virginia) is a suspended National Football League (NFL Quarterback under contract Errick Lynne Williams Jr (born May 21, 1977 in San Diego, California) is an American football Running back for the Benjamin Todd Roethlisberger (born March 2, 1982, in Lima Ohio) nicknamed Big Ben, is an American football Quarterback MotorCycle is the title of a 1993 album by Rock band Daniel Amos, released on BAI Records. In Human anatomy, the appendix (or vermiform appendix; also cecal (or caecal appendix; also vermix) is a blind ended tube connected to the Roethlisberger's membership indicates that inclusion in the Tyson Zone is not limited to those whose behavior is outlandish, but encompasses also those who have a knack for falling victim to unfortunate yet exceedingly bizarre events.

The term may also be used in adjective form as the word "Tysonic. "

Diane Lane All-Stars

Simmons has also referred to celebrities who belong on the Diane Lane All Star Team, meaning older (over 40), attractive female celebs. Diane Lane (born January 22, 1965) is an American film Actress. "Members" of this All Star team include:

Meredith Baxter-Birney Jennifer Beals Maria Bello Jacqueline Bisset Sandra Bullock Julie Christie Sheryl Crow Cheryl Hines Arianna Huffington

Diane Lane Lori Loughlin Terri Nunn Rene Russo Jaclyn Smith Sharon Stone Maura Tierney Raquel Welch

Simmons has also noted that Kelly Ripa will join the list as soon as she turns 40. Meredith Ann Baxter (born June 21, 1947) is an American actress. Jennifer Beals (born December 19, 1963) is an American Film actress and former teen model. Maria Elana Bello (born April 18 1967 is a Golden Globe-nominated American actress. Jacqueline Bisset (born Winnifred Jacqueline Fraser-Bisset; September 13 1944) is an English actress. Sandra Annette Bullock (born July 26 1964 is a Screen Actors Guild Award-winning and two-time Golden Globe Award-nominated American - German Julie Frances Christie (born April 14, 1941) is a British actress. Sheryl Suzanne Crow (born February 11, 1962) is an American Singer-songwriter and Musician. Cheryl Hines (born September 21, 1965) is an American actress best-known for her role as Cheryl David Larry David 's wife on HBO 's Arianna Huffington (born Arianna Stassinopoulos, on July 15, 1950) is an Author, media gadfly, and nationally syndicated Diane Lane (born January 22, 1965) is an American film Actress. Lori Loughlin (born July 28, 1964) is an American television actress best known for her role as Rebecca Donaldson-Katsopolis on the Terri Nunn (born June 26, 1961 in Los Angeles California, US) is an American Singer and Actress. Rene Marie Russo (born February 17, 1954) is an American Film Actress and former fashion model Jaclyn Smith, born Jaclyn Ellen Smith (October 26 1947 in Houston Texas is a Golden Globe -nominated American actress. Sharon Vonne Stone (born March 10, 1958) is an American Golden Globe - and Emmy -winning Actress, producer, and former Maura Therese Tierney ( Boston Massachusetts, February 3, 1965) is an Emmy -nominated American actress, known for her Raquel Welch (born September 5 1940 is a Golden Globe -winning American actor who achieved fame as a Hollywood sex symbol during the 1960s Kelly Maria Ripa (born October 2, 1970) an American Daytime Emmy Award -winning actress, Television personality and He compares Maria Bello's fortieth birthday to the day when Jack Nicklaus joined the Senior Tour when he turned 50 -- nobody else has a chance for 3-4 years, making Diane Lane the ceremonial Arnold Palmer-type figure. For his detailed statistics records and other achievements see List of career achievements by Jack Nicklaus.

Sneaky Hot Hall of Fame

First referenced in a 2007 column,^[13] Simmons described Jamie-Lynn Sigler as "one of those celebs who is prettier in person than on TV", and started the "Sneaky Hot Hall of Fame":

Lauren Graham Laura Linney Anne Hathaway

Diane Sawyer Jamie-Lynn Sigler Lori Loughlin

The Lindsey Hunter All Stars

In his August 10, 2007 mailbag, Simmons, with a reader's help, added a new category "The Lindsey Hunter All Stars", a list of male athletes with names that make them sound like a hot girl. Jamie-Lynn Sigler (born May 15, 1981) previously known as Jamie-Lynn DiScala, is an American Actress and Singer. Lauren Helen Graham (born March 16, 1967) is an American Actress best known for her starring role as Lorelai Gilmore on the long-running Laura Leggett Linney (born February 5, 1964) is a three-time Academy Award -nominated a three time Golden Globe nominee and a three-time Lily Diane Sawyer (born December 19, 1945) is a Television Reporter for ABC and co-anchor of its morning news show Jamie-Lynn Sigler (born May 15, 1981) previously known as Jamie-Lynn DiScala, is an American Actress and Singer. Lori Loughlin (born July 28, 1964) is an American television actress best known for her role as Rebecca Donaldson-Katsopolis on the Events 612 BC - Killing of Sinsharishkun, King of Assyrian Empire Year 2007 ( MMVII) was a Common year starting on Monday of the Gregorian calendar in the 21st century.

Simmons has the following players as All-Stars:

Andrea Bargnani Tatum Bell Keary Colbert Coco Crisp Lynn Greer Aubrey Huff Ashley Lelie Brook Lopez Robin Lopez

Tracy McGrady Zaza Pachulia Samie Parker Alexis Rios Jamie Walker Kelley Washington Lee Evans Sidney Rice Lindsey Hunter

Gambling

Simmons commonly makes gambling references in his articles. Andrea Bargnani, nicknamed " Il Mago " (translated to "The Magician" (born October 26 1985 in Rome, Italy) is Tatum Antoine Bell (born March 2, 1981 in) is an American football Running back who is currently a Free agent. Patrick Keary Jerel Colbert (born May 21, 1982 in) is an American football Wide receiver for the Seattle Seahawks in the National Covelli Loyce "Coco" Crisp (born November 1, 1979 in Los Angeles California) is a Major League Baseball Center fielder Lynn Greer Jr (born October 23 1979 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania) is an American professional Basketball player currently Aubrey Lewis Huff (born December 20, 1976 in Marion Ohio) is a Major League Baseball Designated hitter, Third baseman Ashley Jovon Lelie (luh-LEE (born February 16, 1980, in) is an American football Wide receiver for the Oakland Raiders of the Brook Lopez (born April 1 1988) is a 7'0" American Basketball player who played for Stanford in the Pacific-Ten Conference Robin Byron Lopez (born April 1 1988 in North Hollywood California) is an American Basketball player Tracy Lamar McGrady Jr (born May 24 1979 in Bartow Florida) is an American professional Basketball player currently positioned at starting Zaza Pachulia, born Zaur Pachulia (ზაზა ფაჩულია (born February 10 1984 in Tbilisi, Georgian Soviet Socialist Republic, Samie Jabar Parker (born March 25, 1981 in) is an American football Wide receiver who is currently a Free agent. James Ross "Jamie" Walker (born July 1, 1971, in) is a Major League Baseball Relief pitcher who currently plays for the James Kelley Washington (born August 21 1979 in Stephens City Virginia) is an American football Wide receiver for the New England Patriots Lee Evans may refer to Lee Evans (comedian, English comedian and actor Lee Evans (American football, American football player Sidney R Rice (born September 1, 1986, in Gaffney South Carolina) is a wide receiver for the Minnesota Vikings and played collegiately Lindsey Benson Hunter Jr (born December 3 1970, in Utica Mississippi) is an American professional Basketball player in the NBA He typically prefaces gambling remarks with the statement, "if gambling were legal. "^[14]

Manning Face

The Manning face is a known facial expression displaying a mix of frustration and disgust. A facial expression results from one or more motions or positions of the Muscles of the Face. It is most often displayed by NFL quarterback Peyton Manning and his younger brother, Eli,^[15] although Eli's recent victory in Super Bowl XLII over Simmons' beloved Patriots may grant him exclusion from this label. The National Football League ( NFL) is the largest professional American football league. Quarterback ( QB) is a position in American and Canadian football. Peyton Williams Manning (born March 24 1976 is an American football Quarterback who currently plays for the Indianapolis Colts of the National Football Elisha Nelson Manning IV (born January 3 1981 in New Orleans, Louisiana) is an American football Quarterback for the New York Giants

Although the expression was named for the Manning brothers, the term has become synonymous with other professional sports players and coaches, including New York Giants coach Tom Coughlin. The New York Giants are a professional American football team based in the New York City suburb of East Rutherford New Jersey. Thomas Richard Coughlin (born August 31, 1946 in Waterloo, New York) is the head coach for the New York Giants, the 2007 National ^[16] It was coined in 2004^[17] and was later defined by Malcolm Gladwell as "the look of someone who has just faced up to a sobering fact: I am in complete control of this offense. Malcolm Gladwell (born September 3, 1963) is a United Kingdom -born Canadian -raised Journalist and author now based in New York City I prepare for games like no other quarterback in the NFL. I am in the best shape of my life. I have done everything I can to succeed -- and I'm losing. Ohmigod. I'm not that good. "^[18] Simmons still refers to this despite his own home team's loss in the 2007 playoffs, later writing "Eli Manning gave me the Eli Manning face!"^[19]

I'm Keith Hernandez

When a person seems to do something completely off the wall and/or completely outrageous for no other reason than he or she is famous and feels he can get away with it or not face repercussions from it, Simmons will say he is having an "I'm Keith Hernandez Moment". The reference comes from the famous Seinfeld episode where Keith Hernandez, on a date with Elaine, tries to convince himself to kiss Elaine by reciting (in his head), "Wait a second - I'm Keith Hernandez!" The most commonly used example of an athlete in an "I'm Keith Hernandez" Moment is Reggie Bush's ill-advised lateral against Texas in the 2006 Rose Bowl. Seinfeld is an American Situation comedy, or sitcom that originally aired on NBC from July 5 1989 to May 14 1998 lasting nine seasons Keith Hernandez (nicknamed "Mex" (born October 20, 1953, in San Francisco California) is a former Major League Baseball First Elaine Marie Benes is a Fictional character on the American television sitcom Seinfeld (1989&ndash1998 played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus Reginald Alfred Bush II (born March 2 1985 in San Diego Ca) is an American football player who plays for the New Orleans Saints of the NFL. The Texas Longhorns football team is the interscholastic football team at The University of Texas in Austin Texas. The 2006 Rose Bowl Game, of which this was the 92nd edition was a College football Bowl game played January 4, 2006 at the

References

External links

• Sports Guy's World
• Sports Guy Unplugged Blog
• Bill Simmons Messageboard
• Q&A: Bill Simmons
• Bill Simmons Interview
• New York Times Story

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